Poem - For Elizabeth H.

[gdimonaco]

For Elizabeth H.

Lost to me for decades,
On Facebook you were found,
Married and a world away,
Memories abound.

The Yankees won in ’96,
You were there by me,
Softly stolen sofa kiss,
Pool games, beer, green tea.

It seemed that we would be as one,
Alas it was not so,
Your walls could never let me in,
I sadly had to go.

But to click or not to click?,
The conflict would not end,
I’d never have you as a lover,
Could I add you as a friend?

[rowens]

The third stanza is the weakest. But it makes perfect sense here.

The Facebook idea about adding someone as a friend seems kind of crazy.

[Vistaldust]

I can relate to a similar Facebook scenario. This is something many people can relate to. Play with it, maybe lengthening it a little, not narratively, but deepening the emotions, metaphorically. You always have the original version if that doesn't work.

[billy]

not sure the third stanza does you any good and the last is a little cheesy, but i enjoyed it. the last verse though a bit cheesy was clever in it's cheese it's an open poem that's easy to understand, the rhymes are okay and it tells a story, not a bad effort.

For Elizabeth H.

Lost to me for decades,
On Facebook you were found,
Married and a world away,
Memories abound.

The Yankees won in ’96,
You were there by me,
Softly stolen sofa kiss,
Pool games, beer, green tea.

It seemed that we would be as one,
Alas it was not so,
Your walls could never let me in,
I sadly had to go.

But to click or not to click?,
The conflict would not end,
I’d never have you as a lover,
Could I add you as a friend?

[LaughGiraffe]

I love this! It's so short but it still tells a story that's relatable and complex. I agree that the third stanze is a little out of place with the others but I still love it.

[nopoet62]

I like this. It's simple, straightforward and clearly very personal.