Love

[Bianca Alabaster]

If everything upon the earth
were to melt away;
the mountains, rivers,
and trees.

And the whole universe
just disappeared;
the sun, moon and stars.

And I were standing
on the cold, barren, ground…
I could live
in the memories
of you
and still be happy.

©

[billy]

If everything upon the earth
were to melt away;
the mountains, rivers,
and trees.

And the whole universe
just disappeared;
the sun, moon and stars.

And I were standing
on the cold, barren, ground…
I could live
in the memories
of you
and still be happy.

©

i love the way the first two verse builds up to the last.
for me it's sweet and easy to read and understand. and it speaks much more than the three verse it contains. nicely done with this one bianca.

[addy]

I love this one. Very nicee build up indeed.

The only thing I would tweak is to rephrase the last few lines to make them less cliche. But thats just my taste, and there's really nothing wrong with it. Its still pretty much perfect as is

[Loveblind]

Simply, Yet nice. I could definitely see the imagery portrayed in this piece. (Despite, the fact your poem wasn't long). Usually, a poem can have all sorts of lines, yet still lack imagery. Your poem goes to show, it's not about the length, but the words actually and how you use them. To me the last couple lines, of the last stanza.. seems like it would read better "I could live with the memories of you(something like that) but, that's just my opinion. Also, I feel as if, it would be better without the word happy. An adjective for happy would be better. Happy is a little to vague. Other than that, I enjoyed this piece.. Keep it up Bianca

Love blind

[Bianca Alabaster]

thanks everyone - good advice. Glad you all liked it.

[mrmod]

The last line does it for me, good stuff .