Brief and Spectacular

[LaughGiraffe]

So I stumbled upon this list of 180 writing prompts for middles schoolers and I decided to use them as inspiration. Prompt #1 was "Write about returning to school from summer vacation"

"Brief and Spectacular"

Sun-soaked limbs folded
jittery
Tick, tock
Snow white mineral and rock

I remember the laughter
and the heat
and nothing else

Maybe solving for x
in his wide eyes
Exciting experimentation
Exhilerating exploration

Oh yeah and the freedom
I remember the opiate
orally, transdermally

Yesterday limits snapped
Feeling for heaven before
the streetlights flashed

Misery articulates today
Stimulating our minds
instead of our brand new bodies

A brief but spectacular lifetime
contained
in yellow metal

[billy]

Hi LG

i get a feel of drug use but nothing in depth. you use lots of words like freedom, misery articulates, feeling for heaven, and many more. instead of using these words, explain or show us what you mean, yesterdays limits snapped, we have no idea what those limits were? give the reader something less ambiguous, something less intangible. without the intro i'd have no idea what the poem is about.

thanks for the read.

[jdguyb]

So I stumbled upon this list of 180 writing prompts for middles schoolers and I decided to use them as inspiration. Prompt #1 was "Write about returning to school from summer vacation"

"Brief and Spectacular"

Sun-soaked limbs folded
jittery
Tick, tock
Snow white mineral and rock

I remember the laughter
and the heat
and nothing else

Maybe solving for x
in his wide eyes
Exciting experimentation
Exhilerating exploration

Oh yeah and the freedom
I remember the opiate
orally, transdermally

Yesterday limits snapped
Feeling for heaven before
the streetlights flashed

Misery articulates today
Stimulating our minds
instead of our brand new bodies

A brief but spectacular lifetime
contained
in yellow metal

I like it especially the part X. Makes me think of a math problem being solved