Spilled thoughts, would love some feedback :)

[Legoloofa]

Hello lovelies,

I don't really know anything about poetry but I always find myself writing my thoughts. Sometimes things even rhyme. No structure just quick automatic writing I guess. Curious if there's anything to say about it. Here's one from 5 minutes ago:

Shadows from my hair draw curved lines on my face, they tug and pull until they’re all in the right place.
The sorrow gets covered, from the mannequins that pass. They can’t know the truth, they can’t know my past.
It’s unsettling that I’m scared to leak sap of my own bliss, it’s been so long, what if it doesn’t exist?
Inside, my nest grows thick of thumb wars, which trick my fingernails into scratching and sniffing closed doors.
But I am a magician to the thoughts that pass; I could see yellow trees sipping on violet grass.
So I’ll keep braiding my sun burnt umbrellas with s’mores, until the crumbs infect my insignificant woes.

-Ewelina

xoxox

[Leanne]

Automatic writing produces some interesting results, but of course they need to be edited carefully to shape them into poems. My first suggestion is this: don't worry about rhyming until you are more familiar with structure, especially meter. It's not more poetic if it rhymes, it's just... well, rhymed. Handling that properly will come later.

You could build a poem around a few of these lines individually, especially the last, but you're going to have trouble trying to fit the whole lot of them into something cohesive. Pick a thread you want to follow. DO NOT discard any of these phrases though -- keep them for later use, because you never know when something's going to fit what you're thinking at the time.

Welcome to the site. You do have a lot to learn but it would be great to see you stick around, try new things and enjoy yourself.

[billy]

do the automatic writing then spend some time stealing from it or arranging it into a poem.
it's a good way to get ideas. the more you write as a train of thought, the more you'll have to work with
and welcome to the site.

[Legoloofa]

Thanks for the welcome!

I'll definitely be doing lots of automatic writing, I feel it's harder to come up with stuff if I'm guided by structure. But I do want to learn how to eventually put it all into something cohesive. Thank you for the feedback.

-Ewelina

[DontBelong]

So I have literally no idea what a poem actually is or how to make this into one if it's not already (I'll learn dammit it I swear) but I like what you wrote.

The line "It’s unsettling that I’m scared to leak sap of my own bliss, it’s been so long, what if it doesn’t exist?" seems odd though. Why Sap?

[Legoloofa]

So I have literally no idea what a poem actually is or how to make this into one if it's not already (I'll learn dammit it I swear) but I like what you wrote.

The line "It’s unsettling that I’m scared to leak sap of my own bliss, it’s been so long, what if it doesn’t exist?" seems odd though. Why Sap?

It's a metaphor of sorts that compares to the good tasty sugary stuff trees produce when they're really healthy, which enriches them in essential nutrients to grow. I feel our happiness compares to that.