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The upturned lifeboat bounces and bobs.
The voice of the sea speaks to the soul,
a soft insistent invitation,
beckoning the body to release.
The touch of the sea enfolds the body in an embrace
of warm languid arms, gently sapping the strength.
Like a frothy cat her powerful claws pound the rocks.
She can purrrrr, she can roar.
In her depths there is no heaven.
The body weakens, the mind gives in and it is easy to let go.
To let the waves of the unforgiving water wash over and drag the body under.
To become one with the sea, and to have no memory.
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(05-27-2013, 05:26 AM)GDavid Wrote: Enjoyed your little poem here. The title is arranged awkwardly in an awkward syntax I would consider revising that
The upturned lifeboat bounces and bobs. -- I think of Steven Crane and naturalism, particularly his story Open Boat
The voice of the sea speaks to the soul, -- What does the sea sound like to the senses?
a soft insistent invitation,
beckoning the body to release.
The touch of the sea enfolds the body in an embrace
of warm languid arms, gently sapping the strength. --
Like a frothy cat her powerful claws pound the rocks.
She can purrrrr, she can roar.
In her depths there is no heaven. -- Explain more I'm a bit confused
The body weakens, the mind gives in and it is easy to let go.
To let the waves of the unforgiving water wash over and drag the body under.
To become one with the sea, and to have no memory. -- I am reminded of Edna's suicide at the end of her short novel The Awakening people still debate on what that ending means
I liked this poem but I was a bit confused as to what exactly was going on. Maybe you could elaborate on sensual details and make any metaphor your using more clear.
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Enjoyable poem, thanks for sharing.
"The upturned lifeboat bounces and bobs.
The voice of the sea speaks to the soul"
I would make this one line by removing the period, thus making the upturned bounces and bobs the voice the sea speaks to the soul.
I really like this line, in a short collection of poems this could stand on its own.
As with the rest of the poem, I am not sure if I get the cat/sea connection. I would equate a cat to a pond, not the rough sea. For me, I would remove that stanza and call the poem complete.
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I like it, it's a good start on a great poem, but I'm not sure about this stanza:
Like a frothy cat her powerful claws pound the rocks.
She can purrrrr, she can roar.
In her depths there is no heaven.
The 'frothy cat' simile makes it almost childlike. That whole part could be removed without changing the understanding.
- Amy
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)
