07-23-2012, 01:52 PM
This is a critique of version 3. Your style has a surreal quality which I greatly enjoyed. A couple of small nits: in L1 I think you should put a line break after "dye," and in L2 after "eye." I think that would emphasise the rhyme, and by seperating that couplet from the rest, also the importance of the italics.
The second verse is my favourite. I liked how you contrasted love and hate, and the reference to religious devotion. Thanks for the read
The second verse is my favourite. I liked how you contrasted love and hate, and the reference to religious devotion. Thanks for the read
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe