What Elephants Remember fresh*

[billy]

i have an old dusty keyboard to use till i get another one tomorrow.

billy suggested making a clean post for the poem I refuse to let die. apologies for the space/possible confusion this is bringing with it

original post is here
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v: 5 (thanks to addy, universal)



What Elephants Remember


Months of sunlight why months of sunlight, why not just sunlight or something else of sunlight? or if it's drought months of heat etc.
open envelopes of memory,
the old march to water this is the 1st solid line that pertains to the subject matter, while memory connects us to elephants, envelopes struggles to.

with softer brush for mother's
broken teeth, years before her ivory
fell to dust like slabs of marble. these three lines are telling a story

Those tusks,
chiseled from a nimbus again the analogy doesn't feel right. i think this would be a perfect place to utilise the word "herd" ie; born from the herd, or something along those lines.
of elephant leather, this and the 1st line of this stanza are on the mark again and continue the tale.

never left.
They embraced the tall stalks
that fed her when the fields dried, good evocative image in this stanza, it reeks of elephant

soothed her hollow gums;
held her head
when death refused. again i like this image, i can see her resting on them

Those white knives
who carved baobab trunks
with names for thirst

sat beneath a spread
of elephant grass,
blades too thin to hide

curls of tooth,
casts of bone,
cycles of memory:

how it hurts
to forget in waves of manna
and remember in drought. good strong ending over the 4 or 5 stanza.
i think it's almost there. just take anu non elephants stuff out, i know we can compartmentalise our memory into boxes or envelopes but i think envelope fails at being a working word in the poem.

i do like what you've got so far and i certain;y see the elephant and the memory they have associated with them coming out.