Astral Projection in Nightmares

[Philatone]

hey paddy
haven't had a chance to look through the other posts extensively, so i hope one or two things can help

V.3
Astral Projection in Nightmares

Shadows mist and seep through seams
Morphed in threads of mundane life
Becoming complex patterned dreams
To weave these trailing webs of strife ...i feel as though i'm entering a Grimm fairy tale or something. the lines themselves don't leave me with a lot to actually imagine though

And from these fragile, fractured streams
No meed or recompense be bought
As darkness covers day’s last gleam
It summons spirits overwrought

Substance seeks a hallowed haven
There to gain some sweet reprieve
Clash of will ‘tween dove and raven...i like this image
And caverns echo cries of grief

A coffin-weight of worry grows
will this requiem not ebb? ...flow felt a bit off on this for me
spider venom boosts the flow
On veins of deconstructed web

...too this point, the line breaks feel a bit too regular for me--it basically happens every time a new clause or prepositional phrase is introduced. i think some enjambment would freshen some of the lines

Feelings stripped and badly flayed
With chords of tension holding taut
Solace cloaked in darkening spray...flow again disrupted me
Where pure will can, and must, be sought ...the "will can, and must, be", when read the wrong way, feels crowded with verbs

To deviate from one’s true course
Will take from where the answers lie
Bravely face opposing force
For mystic bird of peace to fly

Rest is claimed with this now ending
Amidst a bright and shimm’ring glow
Unveiling mists from light transcending
Revealing higher realms on show...lots of -ings to focus on

A soul is salved in darkened hour
And once fractured thoughts, restored...flow struck me as off here too
Free from turmoil’s dreaded scour
To journey back on silver chord.