(07-17-2012, 02:45 PM)Perlygates Wrote: Here are a few of my unrelated short form poems. As you can see they do not adhere to a specific style. I look forward to feedback. Thanks. ...An
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rituals
rivers
And rainstorms
The feel of cool water
Over my skin The "rituals" part really adds a great dimension to it. The feeling of coolness becomes something other than purely physical, concrete sensation. "over my skin" is not a very strong standalone line imo, but in-context you make it work
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innerwork the sound of dreams should these be two separate lines?
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cheap chocolate
a streetlight
steps over the moon This is my favorite; It's a little coy about what the whole scenario could be, but it makes it all the more fun to imagine. Combined, the images really are lovely
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the only parts
she will let you see
cherry blossoms There's something wistful about this. Understated, but I like it
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falling star
the light that is me
scattered among shadow Basically agree with the previous comments... there's something a tad cliche about the setup, but you wrap it up well.
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PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?