07-17-2012, 02:42 PM
The light/dark thing is indeed strongly universal (probably one of the oldest and strongest collective human concepts) so yeah, it works very well as written. My interpretation of it as possibly a first-person is no doubt an overreading of a material that is pretty explicit in its intent 
As for the edit... nicely subtle and very effective. You already had a good core, so the tweaks fell in place pretty easily. seamless, i might say.
As for the edit... nicely subtle and very effective. You already had a good core, so the tweaks fell in place pretty easily. seamless, i might say.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?