Astral Projection in Nightmares

[Todd]

Hi Paddygirl,

Sorry to be so late welcoming you to the forums. Welcome!

I didn't see much here that was jarring or that I didn't like. I'm in love with the title. Mostly, these comments will fall along the lines of my preferences. There may be a lot of words in this response but I will try to keep it at the mild forum level.

Grey shadows fall and seep through seams--often when I see compound construction fall AND seep I think that you may not have the best word that combines both ideas. I would be tempted to either look for that word or change and to "to"
Morphing threads of mundane life
Becoming complex patterned dreams
By weaving trailing webs of strife--I think you have a lot of ing contructions here which aren't always the best. That said, I do like your introduction of seams, threads, and patterns which tie in nicely with the later silver chord

And from these fragile, fractured streams--nice line
No meed or recompense be bought
As darkness covers days last gleam--I like last gleam
Invoking astral planes so fraught--not a fan of the reuse of astral since it is in the title

Substance seeks a hallowed haven
In which to gain some sweet reprieve
Clash of will ‘tween dove and raven--good image
And caverns echo cry's of grief--should this be cries?

A coffin-weight of worry grows--love coffin-weight of worry
And thus portends with sagging dread
When everywhere an ill-wind blows--ill wind is slightly cliche
On veins of deconstructed web--again web is a nice continuation of threads and such

Feelings stripped and harshly flayed--can someone be flayed in a non harsh manner?
With chords of tension holding taut--good line when you consider astral projection
Solace cloaked in darkening spray--I love darkening spray
Where true will can, and must, be sought

To deviate from one’s true course
Will take from where the answers lie
Bravely face opposing force
For mystic birds of peace to fly--after the earlier dove raven line I'm not a fan of mystic birds of peace

Rest is claimed with this now ending
Amidst brilliant, shimm’ring glow
Unveiling mists from light transcending
Revealing higher realms on show--I think this entire stanza holds together really well

A soul is salved in darkened hour
Once-fractured thoughts, restored
Free from chaotic evil’s scour--chaotic evil feels too abstract to me something with more punch perhaps
To journey back on silver chord--appropriate last line. You may be able to play with the dual meaning of chord and vibrate some tone or music along it. Also, playing off the web earlier spiders traveling across a web like nightmares seeking prey. A lot of ways you could go.

I realize I'm pushing the edges of mild, my apologies if this is more than you were looking for. I think you have something that could be developed nicely. I hope some of that was helpful.

Best,

Todd