Short-lived Or Eternal Love?

[addy]

There's a general love theme running through, and the passion is indeed palpable, but I felt there was no central theme that tied together the beginning of the poem (fleeting love) versus the end of the poem (eternal love). You need something more to elevate it beyond a runthrough of events. Something simple like (for example) fire would suffice (powerful when its big, fragile when its small and limited), but you could get much more creative.

I think there's also an opportunity for you to better establish the drama. Why was their love in danger anyway? Was the man just paranoid? (he said their love vanished, but based on the interaction of the hero and heroine they are very much in love). I think you could do more in bringing the conflicts of the narrative to life (whether they be internal or external), because at the moment they seem to just glide by pretty smoothly. the details as a whole seem cliche, and don't provide enough friction to texture the plot.

Thanks very much for the read

We don't talk anymore
Am I hopeless who causes heartless pain?
I ask for myself
Why our love quickly vanished
Was everything a brief moment?
I wonder as I wander
In the lonely streets
I come back home For me this seems rather abrupt. One moment you are in the streets then immediately tell us you've gone home, so there was little point establishing that to begin with.
And write what I like
Read and relax myself with Merlot wine
I pick up the telephone and tell you: This part is a mystery to me. Does he relax himself, in order to calmly come to a decision. But his outburst to the women in the telephone is anything but calm.
Enough is enough!
I'm coming home to you and only you
You say yes and you let me in Again quite an abrupt scene change for me, from a phone conversation to sudden physical presence
My kiss then touches the north
and then the south
of your lips
Then I touch the west
and then the east
of your rosy cheeks "the north-south of your lips, the west-east of your cheek"... around this point the imagery gets much more interesting for me. Lovely stuff.
Our languishing body at last meets
Tonight we too "two" are one
The night is eternally ours!
And the room is on passionate fire
And our hearts trembles forever more.