a story of love

[Universalchild]

The twilight slowly sets
As the love slowly fades Slowly doesn't need to be repeated, plenty of similar words could be used.
A love we both fought for
Where impending loss was known
Our hands hold each other in their embrace If they are holding you don't need to mention they are embracing, we already know they are holding.
As we watch the sun set
Shadows climb the hills we stand on
Watching the hill slip beneath a sea of darkness
Shadows lap at our feet
As I take a last look into your eyes Why don't you say at your face instead of into your eyes? Avoids that darned repetition again c:
I see sadness in those soft brown, tear stricken eyes
And my heart breaks for the last time
Just before the light before us goes out
And we are plunged into darkness Why don't you say night instead of darkness?
As yet another chapter closes
On the story of love

thanks guys.

I admit I'm rarely fond of love poems, but I thought I'd give my in-put. [/b]