07-03-2012, 02:06 PM
Great read. I like the easiness and deftness with which the issues play off one another. There's seriousness to it, but there was no pressure to be. Just moments of great story.
The others already gave pretty good suggestions. My minor nit would be that perhaps you could do without using parentheses in those couple of lines. i personally don't think they're necessary, since you make it clear the POV is an internal monologue / thought process already anyway.
The others already gave pretty good suggestions. My minor nit would be that perhaps you could do without using parentheses in those couple of lines. i personally don't think they're necessary, since you make it clear the POV is an internal monologue / thought process already anyway.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?