07-01-2012, 05:59 PM
Geoff,
Generally you render very good suggestion, but this one puzzles me (although I appreciate the intent). Aside from not seeing the point of changing it, it would throw off the meter (actually that's not true, I was reading it with the "there", still it seems somewhat ungainly), so in this instance I must forbear.
Leanne and penguin,
"like a lump of lead" is a colloquialism from southern Oklahoma meaning "not moving", with the connotation of having been in the one place and not moving for some time, so it speaks to duration. "draped loose" refers to aspect, so for me anyway, they speak to two different conditions. Plus, to some degree repetition is part of the vernacular, as in "I think him snoozing, in a sleep". Often it is used for reinforcement as in a phrase like "puppy dog". Technically, such a phrase is redundant as "puppy" can generally only refer to "dog", however it is generally allowed as an aspect of "colorful speech". I probably should have written this in the dialect, e.g., "puppa dawg", but as this was written 37 years ago, I had yet to develop that skill
and at the time, my audience would have been people who already talked that way so there wasn't much need. You might think of "Goofy" Mickey Mouses pal saying the lines (not really close, but it will do).
In terms of Geoff's comment "the different ways of describing deception are great", such a response is enlightening, as in the time and place this was written, it would simply be seen a joke of the "Har har" knee slapper variety. Geoff's comments make me realize that today, some people might only see the cruelty to the bird and not think it the least bit funny. Such has the world changed.
Thanks for the comments,
Dale
Generally you render very good suggestion, but this one puzzles me (although I appreciate the intent). Aside from not seeing the point of changing it, it would throw off the meter (actually that's not true, I was reading it with the "there", still it seems somewhat ungainly), so in this instance I must forbear.
Leanne and penguin,
"like a lump of lead" is a colloquialism from southern Oklahoma meaning "not moving", with the connotation of having been in the one place and not moving for some time, so it speaks to duration. "draped loose" refers to aspect, so for me anyway, they speak to two different conditions. Plus, to some degree repetition is part of the vernacular, as in "I think him snoozing, in a sleep". Often it is used for reinforcement as in a phrase like "puppy dog". Technically, such a phrase is redundant as "puppy" can generally only refer to "dog", however it is generally allowed as an aspect of "colorful speech". I probably should have written this in the dialect, e.g., "puppa dawg", but as this was written 37 years ago, I had yet to develop that skill
and at the time, my audience would have been people who already talked that way so there wasn't much need. You might think of "Goofy" Mickey Mouses pal saying the lines (not really close, but it will do). In terms of Geoff's comment "the different ways of describing deception are great", such a response is enlightening, as in the time and place this was written, it would simply be seen a joke of the "Har har" knee slapper variety. Geoff's comments make me realize that today, some people might only see the cruelty to the bird and not think it the least bit funny. Such has the world changed.
Thanks for the comments,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.