Inland Sea

[whitewand6]

Soft orchid mouths
drip moonlight gossamer,
sad nets of coercive balladry

[Visually stunning and utterly stimulating imagery in the very first stanza.
For a moment there I had flashes of a gargantuan Rafflesia while reading
'orchid mouths'. I have always loved the concept of liquid moon beams.
'Coercive balladry' is beautiful used in the present context. 'Sad nets' almost gives this last line a plaintive sound of protest.]

and I cannot sleep.

[This is a winner after a superlative build-up]

Gritty teeth
abstain
from knitting and pearling
the brokenness together,
while brillo tongues
risk setting fire
to the unpatterned quilt
of arterial wild -

[Another sensory ride. The first two words start this mild onslaught of befitting images. Pearl gives almost a visceral kind of beauty. I had to start with 'arterial wild' and follow it all the way back to 'brillo tongues'.
Not sure if I am on the same page, but in stead of giving birth to a stillborn obeservation I would rather wait and let it grow.]


and twisting in the wind
I cannot sleep.

[The impact of the repeatation is heightened by the tangible image of 'twisting in the wind'. This gives it a mild lift, making the canvass much larger and the reader starts to see it larger. ]

In shameless ink
your eyes
are the mourning sun,
untouchable
within stingy whispers
and jealous borders,


['Mourning' and 'sun' work beautifully together. I have somehow always had this image where 'spiders' fit with 'mourning'. Probably it has something to do with Black Widows. So personally 'mourning' did wonders for me. Very unique choice od adjectives again. Especially 'shameless' for ink. ]

and in the weight of your shadow
I cannot sleep.

[The zenith. I love the way you give a sense of power to inanimate and make them appear viscious and thrashing/throbbing with life. 'weight' never seemed so heavy. And of course you can't sleep.]

Wide awake
I am nimbly afflicted,
a childs hunger pain
in august epitaph,

[Was the missing apostrophe intentional? 'Nimble' is an interesting choice for something as grave as 'afflicted'. It's like a free-fall from 3000 feet on a twenty feet wall of foam. That contrast sets the tone here. ]


envious

of idle beauty
of turquoise and roses
of lies
become honeyed addictions.

[ I really liked 'Honeyed addiction'. It has a certain force to it, almost righteous justification. The three nouns are spectacular in their selection and usage here.]


And without your double sky
I cannot sleep.

[ This expands the feeling of transcendence that one gets while 'twisting in the air' reference. The idea of double sky is grand and I was reminded of Plank's Constant. May Selene come to your rescue, poetess.

This is a sweeping poem about transcendent love. I have nothing but awe and reverence. This is a mometous creation, despite the plane of its existence being different than almsot everyones.[That is not a hiccup, rather a regret.] I reckon you like 'webs'/'spider webs'. It shows strongly in this poem [Either the exceptional strength of those invisible threads or the concept of entrapment or the lack of it.] I will probably come back a few more times and let it grow. On me. Within me. Write on.