06-16-2012, 07:59 AM
I really love this. Without the implication of conversation between the POV and the mystery boys everything was just so sensory and fun. Approaching decadent, but in a really fresh, natural way--- experiential, doesn't take itself too seriously, but still really good.
Like the others, I also did not like this line though ---"the scene was of contentment on the hill and we approached each moment"--- the sudden distance in the phrasing is puzzling, and it's the most dull and noncommittal line in the piece I think. The others I thought were pretty strong.
Like the others, I also did not like this line though ---"the scene was of contentment on the hill and we approached each moment"--- the sudden distance in the phrasing is puzzling, and it's the most dull and noncommittal line in the piece I think. The others I thought were pretty strong.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?