Second Poem

[billy]

We laid out at Parc des Buttes Chaumonts
for the 30° Celsius afternoon to lick our perspiration dry god opening that has us ready for something (after doing a google )
after that subway ride from Notre Dame de Lorette was so sloppy-hot! needs some grammar
William's navy blue-beautiful army coat contributed the only bulk brilliant image
his French body could imagine while my skinny jeans sank way too tight into American me.
Snacking on Bing cherries, chewing through the now familiar Parisian cloud of nicotine, another strong line that capture an ambiance.
the scene was of contentment on the hill and we approached each moment
so that the fatty liver paste and bottled water were happily our own.
In the states, a picnic of tiny strawberries and scrawny men some of these lines are excellent. love the use of scrawny for a stereotyped image
like this would deceive our citizenry conditioned for
portions of macho and sweets in extra large.
But next to my body, bloody with sweat, William taught me the lessons about
rich flavors and delicate moments and sexy men;
he didn't say a word.
So much I learned from my French-Irish-Catholic William O'Rorke,
boyfriend of the week!
For sometimes, I even fooled-hoped myself into thinking
that I could find his twin brother at the local Milwaukee prep school when I got home.
Jibberish is all that fooling self-hopes are, something like
the type of nothing you talk about between the French-English language barrier.

very prose poetry, very good poetry (i'm sure some will see merely as prose though) with originality and some good strong imagery at play, (which is a poetic device, and there are more in the piece) the content is solid though i think it needs some work grammar-wise, not keen on the hyphen in one place. and a backslash could used in another hyphens stead. i have to say, apart from thinking L3 needs a tidy, all i have are grammar nits. i really enjoyed reading the poem. i found it it painted a complet picture of an american in france.

thanks for the read.