Unnatural Disaster

[Leanne]

Unnatural Disaster

Your blazing fire starts at the base of this barren tree
The clouded heat slowly rises charring my broken limbs
Seeping through my pores your scorching words turn my cells to ash

Your flames try to reach my heart and burn the glacier within
But the walls of ice are far too thick for your hell to reach

An emotional avalanche starts to erupt my soul
Blasting icy glass through my eyes dropping you from your stance
Instantly chilling every nerve in your baked black heart

You try to rise and defend this new contrasting feeling
But the forming iceberg proves too heavy for your efforts

Fearful and shivering your heated soul starts burning through
Melting faster than the winter clouds an ice storm begins
A silver thaw shooting shards from every direction

Puddles collectively gathering and starting a flood
Waves crashing against all the barren trees you left behind

We each stand tall and strong not phased by the chilling water
The burning amber ball rises quickly over the world
Evaporating your hurtful soul into the unknown

Don't listen to billy, he's an anti-capitalist -- I'm usually reluctant to remove all caps but if you've no punctuation, then uniformity does make for a cleaner look. Personally I tend to just keep the capital at the beginning of each stanza -- there's no real reason besides personal preference though.

I note someone, probably billy again, mentioned getting rid of "you" and "me" in a few places -- reading this, I'd tend to go one step further and make it an allegorical piece without those personal pronouns at all. For example:

The blazing fire catches the base of this barren tree,
clouded heat rises slowly, charring broken limbs,
seeping through pores to turn cells to ash

Dammit, I've gone and put punctuation in again. Anyway, the allegory thing runs up against a bit of a problem when we get to the ice component and that's where the poem turns toward cliche -- fire and ice has been done to death, and there's no room for a tree. Me, I like the tree. I think it's a better metaphor than ice, as the tree is patient and regenerates, but I might just be in a sappy mood

I'm not suggesting you throw any of this away, by the way, just coming up with some alternative directions, feel free to ignore. Thanks for the read, and thanks for having such a great attitude toward workshopping!