“So, The Wind Blows?”

[Philatone]

hello, dale!
some thoughts for you

I’ve been waiting my whole life to finally get young,...there are a lot of "I's" in here; it would be possible to cut out the "I've been"
I hope I’m still here when it finally comes,
and if I am, hope that I am new hung,...could drop the last comma
so I can sing of it with an unnoted tongue.

Still, my belly’s distended from starving too well,...nice line
everyone here’s paying for heaven with hell,...hmm, mixed feelings on the "everyone"; it makes a dramatic jump to people who haven't been introduced
but to me a tie makes you look like a whore,
and I already told them I don’t do that no more..
...to this point, there are some vagueries: the "here" of the first stanza, the "everyone", "them", and "you"
Now that I’m here, I’m all goose pimp-pel-ly,
I think I am close to who I thought I should be,...nice line
thanks for small favors, the should-er is dead,..itteresting break-up of "shoulder"
he went out like a dog, when properly fed.

My food’s always had, that killing effect,...may want to check punctuation in this stanza
a little more spicy, than you’d probably expect,
I prefer a good truth, that’ll stick to your ribs,
though he often speaks with a tongue that ain’t his....the "ain't" caught me off-guard in terms of word choice. not sure if others agree

This time I’ll not go, up to Cavalry’s Hill,
so when it repeats, it won't be me that they kill.
but the past you can't hide, if you'd start new again,
and you can’t sail away, if there isn’t a wind. ...i liked

i need to come back and read this again, but wanted to leave some thoughts to ponder. hope some may help