05-30-2012, 09:15 AM
the small edit works better for it.
that aside i looked at the original v1 and this version and the edit as a whole is quite large...and good. lets forget the poem for now and look at the editing. perfect for this type of workshop. for any workshop. Back to the poem; a little editing at a time has added up to sensible edit that keeps the core of the poems intent intact, you didn't compromise on that or the telling of it. you arranged it so it was better prepared for others to read. this thread is a good example of improving without destroying. thanks for the reads and workout
one thing, would it add something as 'in a cold night air' which implies it's a regular occurrence?
that aside i looked at the original v1 and this version and the edit as a whole is quite large...and good. lets forget the poem for now and look at the editing. perfect for this type of workshop. for any workshop. Back to the poem; a little editing at a time has added up to sensible edit that keeps the core of the poems intent intact, you didn't compromise on that or the telling of it. you arranged it so it was better prepared for others to read. this thread is a good example of improving without destroying. thanks for the reads and workout
one thing, would it add something as 'in a cold night air' which implies it's a regular occurrence?