Unnatural Disaster

[addy]

Great to see more of your work Rachel . I do like this one... your imagery is much stronger in this piece i think.

I think the beginning part inadvertently turned into a mixed metaphor--the "other" is portrayed pretty consistently as fire, but the narrator starts is at first established as a tree then suddenly transitions into some kind of embodiment of winter. I guess I just didn't know how or where those two different ideas connected. Not that it's bad, but it did prove distracting when i was trying to picture the scenario.

Billy pointed out the danger of using the word "heart"... personally I didn't mind it because at that point i was still thinking of the narrator as a tree, so the tree's heartwood struck me as a valid and compelling image. What I disliked more was "emotional avalanche" in stanza 3. The way i see it you shouldn't have to describe something as "emotional"... instead you have to try and portray it for us somehow. Just my personal take though