05-28-2012, 08:38 PM
Hi rorrick, Good to see you posting 
It seems like this may be a very personal piece for you. It has a lot of strong emotion but seems to state the case a little too directly in my opinion. There is a lot of angst between the lines and maybe combining some imagery that denotes these feelings might help to 'illustrate' some of these feelings without the need to be so specific.
I also feel that some punctuation is needed. I see that you had used any in the poem and I respect that some make that choice (I have before), but in the first stanza I felt that the odd usage of plurals (on never agains and never wills) could benefit from correct punctuation as I found a little clumsy as-is.
Of course this is all JMO
Thanks for sharing and welcome to The Pig Pen
It seems like this may be a very personal piece for you. It has a lot of strong emotion but seems to state the case a little too directly in my opinion. There is a lot of angst between the lines and maybe combining some imagery that denotes these feelings might help to 'illustrate' some of these feelings without the need to be so specific.
I also feel that some punctuation is needed. I see that you had used any in the poem and I respect that some make that choice (I have before), but in the first stanza I felt that the odd usage of plurals (on never agains and never wills) could benefit from correct punctuation as I found a little clumsy as-is.
Of course this is all JMO
Thanks for sharing and welcome to The Pig Pen