Love Is Not Enough

[addy]

Nice to have you posting your stuff in the forums rorrick . This is a nice attempt... your artistic choice of formatting effectively projected a sparse kind of pain. One thing I have to say... perhaps 'losing you" is not the proper first line for this at all, since as the story unfolds we realize that the narrator in fact gave up his/her lover intentionally.

There are a few parts that I think you can spruce up with more imagery... there are some points where you end up with rather literal explanations of your feelings, in a manner that is acceptable to prose but isn't vibrant enough for poetry. For instance: "your words will never be enough to override your lack of actions"... override sounds so technical, and for me hurts the mood of the piece. Little changes like that, i think, would make a big difference

Thanks for the read