feedback for my poem?

[addy]

Another word for destiny... providence, maybe?

Here are a few more thoughts on the poem

A shattered mountain stands still Don't really understand this line... if its shattered, how can it be imposing?
Thunder roars from its peaks
Lit by a wall of lighting
Running down its cliffs
Its crags, comma not necessary holds the bones of thousands
No mere mortal dare scale these walls
Walls of earth and stone
A fortress of rock
A destroyer of men
Unconquerable by mortals feels like just a repetition of earlier "no mere mortal..." line
But one dares to defy
He stands there Not a particularly compelling line imo
Gazing up at the peaks
A man
A man who once stood on a cliff
Waiting for the corsairs of fate.
A man, who battled beasts of mind and flesh
A man, scarred by light Not sure if the repetitions of "man" works that well. Might be just me though
Maimed by shadow "scarred by light / maimed by shadow" are interesting lines
Gazing up at the peaks
At the highest peaks These two lines are rather repetitive
Lies treasures of a thousand desires
Drawing men
Like a moth if it's a simile for "men", then maybe say "moths" to an all-consuming flame
He knows
He knows his destiny
He knows why he must scale this testament of death
To find a soul he once lost
In a sea of doubt
Though tide and time, he has searched
The script of his life
Written on his back
Written in the ink of fate
By the hand of destiny itself
He knows his destiny, his fate
But still he searches
A soul, once lost
Lies to rest at the peak
At very top, of this testament to death It's an intriguing piece, though at a lot of points I fear you tended to resort to vagueness and repetition. It sounded quite mythic... a man, with a great destiny, trying to reclaim his soul from the top of a mountain of death. Why, metaphorically speaking, is his soul there? What do we really know about this faceless hero, or nondescript mountain? It's kind of a broadstrokes story that never quite achieves its own verisimilitude. The imagery you used is very archetypal -- strong, but you as a writer also have to work at embellishing it to give it more substance beyond the archetype. Anyway, hope this gives you a few ideas