Amen

[billy]

Tonight, the doorway frames a still of you, asleep, not sure it needs the penultimate comma, nice image to open with.
unaware of my weight uncoiled at your side. i'm surmising here, wouldn't you be outside the room looking in at her? it doesn't feel clear enough
In the silence of what will blur into memory, the transition is very weak and comes off as jarring to read, it also screams out that the next line be a separate stanza or statement
I want to hear of a table splayed with sweet potato, i can't see much wrong from here on apart from:
graces pressed through joined hands, a chorus of Amen.
I missed that word, flying over Appalachia;
the last strum of a collapsing arpeggio here, i think a period would help
before a meal. Amen is something to be shared,
regardless of belief, like small talk, fish, or bread.
When absent, its weight hangs in the air,
a spent chandelier burned by the switch;
when the first roll is sliced, the plates fill
and glasses empty, it feels too late
to claim, like an apology, or
even worse, regret. and a strong finish

there's a hell of a lot to like about this geoff. it feels a bit off conceptually at the beginning but i don't think that's a big problem really.
some of the images are good and so is the mid poem speech on amen (i felt it was great) the poem conveyed the purpose of a good amen and how if not said at the right time, it doesn't work. i'm also taking it as a metaphor for leaving things in general till it's to late.

thanks for the read