05-21-2012, 08:33 PM
S2 L2 A colon after “Haboob” (also footnote meaning)
S2 L3 Do you mean Muhammad? Allah is not a prophet, it is the Muslim name for God.
S3 L3 khayyam's? Regardless, needs an apostrophe to show possession.
S4 L3 “abd-sahara” (footnote meaning)
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I like the idea but a number of the lines seem almost senseless, such as "Blue-black and pricked still sky above". What does "pricked still" mean?
Maybe one needs familiarity with Omar Khayyám's poems for this to work, which I will admit to only a passing acquaintance with. However, some of it feels a little like name dropping such as using "Haboob" and "abd-sahara" especially as there is no meter constraint from using something like fierce dust storm, and "abd-sahara" I'm guessing has something to do with a green stone that has a similar name, other than that I have no clue what this refers to, or if it is even spelled correctly.
For me there are just too many problems to read it through to begin to get a sense of it.
Dale
S2 L3 Do you mean Muhammad? Allah is not a prophet, it is the Muslim name for God.
S3 L3 khayyam's? Regardless, needs an apostrophe to show possession.
S4 L3 “abd-sahara” (footnote meaning)
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I like the idea but a number of the lines seem almost senseless, such as "Blue-black and pricked still sky above". What does "pricked still" mean?
Maybe one needs familiarity with Omar Khayyám's poems for this to work, which I will admit to only a passing acquaintance with. However, some of it feels a little like name dropping such as using "Haboob" and "abd-sahara" especially as there is no meter constraint from using something like fierce dust storm, and "abd-sahara" I'm guessing has something to do with a green stone that has a similar name, other than that I have no clue what this refers to, or if it is even spelled correctly.
For me there are just too many problems to read it through to begin to get a sense of it.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.