05-11-2012, 03:46 AM
hey billy
the piece reads like a report to me. It has a lot of action, but little description or imagery to complement (even verbs like "want," and "outclass" are difficult to imagine), and proceeds in a very linear progression. I'm not saying any of these are issues, but they lend the poem a sense of distance that I wasn't fond of. It didn't feel natural for a story with children
the piece reads like a report to me. It has a lot of action, but little description or imagery to complement (even verbs like "want," and "outclass" are difficult to imagine), and proceeds in a very linear progression. I'm not saying any of these are issues, but they lend the poem a sense of distance that I wasn't fond of. It didn't feel natural for a story with children
Written only for you to consider.