Another Lull in the Storm:
#14
(01-21-2012, 11:11 PM)billy Wrote:  2nd edit (small and hence, quick )


The boy screams defiance at the unseen
and runs around the table like a great banshee;
followed by his sister; a banshee with a lesser voice,
scary nonetheless.

His school friend's eyes are fearful; wearing the look of

'What The Fuck?'

as he tries valiantly to join in,
and fails because he's in love with the lesser banshee.
She finds him amusing enough to tease and ridicule,
when his affections are pointed out.

The great banshee wants to carry on his vocal mayhem
but is outclassed by his pink haired mother.
The lesser banshee giggles 'cause she's not being busted,
then gets lambasted as usual.

Packed off to bed;
threatened with violence and theft
friend dispersed to his own enemy.
Granddad thinks

'Thank fuck for that'.
(This is just what I did before)

Wow, this is great. Tighter, sharper. Just a couple of nits, 'What The Fuck' should be 'What The Fuck?' and nonetheless is one word not three.

Indie Smile and for some reason quote doesn't seem to be working for me :/
haha, it worked this time, yay!
"Poets are shameless with their experiences: they exploit them." - Friedrich Nietzsche
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Messages In This Thread
Another Lull in the Storm: - by billy - 01-21-2012, 11:11 PM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by Erthona - 01-25-2012, 01:02 PM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by billy - 02-01-2012, 01:22 AM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by Indie - 05-05-2012, 09:25 AM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by billy - 05-07-2012, 12:00 PM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by Erthona - 05-07-2012, 03:11 PM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by billy - 05-08-2012, 12:13 PM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by Erthona - 05-08-2012, 02:12 PM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by billy - 05-08-2012, 08:19 PM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by Indie - 05-08-2012, 08:39 PM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by billy - 05-09-2012, 11:23 AM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by Indie - 05-09-2012, 11:28 AM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by billy - 05-09-2012, 11:29 AM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by Indie - 05-09-2012, 12:44 PM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by billy - 05-10-2012, 10:38 AM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by Philatone - 05-11-2012, 03:46 AM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by billy - 05-11-2012, 11:20 AM



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