05-08-2012, 02:12 PM
Much more clearly written, I don't have to struggle to figure out who is who and what is going on, and can instead focus on the scene being painted.
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Is "non less" suppose to be "none the less" in some kind of dialect? I've never seen it used.
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A period after line eight.
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The use of "copping" then "cop" seems a bit much (but I'm not sure I really like the word much anyway).
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'Thank fuck for that'. Needs to be set off as you did the other quote.
Regardless, much better.
Dale
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Is "non less" suppose to be "none the less" in some kind of dialect? I've never seen it used.
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A period after line eight.
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The use of "copping" then "cop" seems a bit much (but I'm not sure I really like the word much anyway).
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'Thank fuck for that'. Needs to be set off as you did the other quote.
Regardless, much better.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.