the trouble with sunday

[Indie]

purity:
for the White-robed/well-dressed masses
lashes sealed, aligned and earnest
readers; accepters
teachers and preachers—Children
book-smells open, unsticking pages
again&again sung melodies and (is again & again really necessary? could be rephrased to give it greater strength of meaning)
crumbs spilling, wine
staining permanent, little-girl dresses & little-boy jackets (little-girl dresses & little-boy jackets. To much information in that line, condensing it to a general overview would enhance the flow, it stumbles there, as is)
big-people’s key-jingles clean-shaven fresh-pressed
a Knower advises:
take this body for your empty; for your lost-belly
on your knees, hands clasped—plead

dark-times come and ("and" is unneeded)
clearing sad throats saying i’m sorry and here is my hand, (again, "and" isn't needed - sad throats clearing, saying sorry, here is my hand)
offering the maybes of better-places ("the" isn't needed)
while cavernous jaws threaten swallowing, but there’s promises
—still i’m sorry (Don't understand this line and the one above)

radiance of fragmented hues through panes, and (love this line, though IMO through glass panes or window panes would flow better)
pains of new and old things and now-things (use of "and" again - pains of new things, old things, now-things)
trembling, tiptoes of welling up, of
wet-baby heads,
wailing, in strangers’ arms
promises

streaming, streaming rosepetals from baskets (repetition of streaming isn't needed. Does nothing for the imagery of flow)
having holding and iloveyous, forevers, always-es (i-love-you's)
and
stillness of kisses

clean:
not for the sacrilegious
the ones who utter those Names
alpha omega allah yahweh
g-d
except they say the o, they
say it like it’s theirs; g-(keep the-o)-d, first-letter-is-capital
with widening eyes, gaping red lips,
hastening of tongue,
an appendage of arbitrary statement, subjection of listeners to
blasphemy in the form of a three-letter-noun, one little first-letter-is-Capital ("one little first-letter-is-Capital" is repetition of what has already been expressed in above lines. Not needed)
heresy

in vain:
a plea for; a cry washing over
on worn knees, for holy
(isn’t the holy the savior, the save-your, save-me?)
pleas—fill up holes in love-empty bellies
alpha omega allah yahweh,
will they not forgive
will they not forgive a curse (curses)
born of desperation?
of misguided yearning for iloveyous and always-es?
to be pure? (IMO I feel like this whole verse is redundant, as it is further repetition of what has been said throughout the whole poem, and adds nothing that hasn't already been said)

Apologies if I've gone overboard on this crit. I know it says mild, but I can see so much potential here. Like the others have said, this does read like a list. It was at first hard to read, and yet there are some wonderfully executed lines and images here. With some tightening up, this has the potential to be a really good poem.

Indie