Another Lull in the Storm:
#4
(01-21-2012, 11:11 PM)billy Wrote:  He screams defiance at the unseen
and runs around the table
like a great banshee;
followed by his sister
a banshee with a lesser voice,
but scary non less.

His friend eyes are fearful;
they hold that 'What The Fuck' look.
He tries to join in valiantly,
fails because he's in love
with the lesser banshee
who finds him amusing enough
to tease and ridicule,
when his affections are pointed out.

^ This verse is rather ambiguous. It wasn't until I looked at the comments that this was clarified for me. I thought the brother was in love with the sister, not the friend. Just my observation.

The great banshee
wants to carry on his vocal mayhem
but is outclassed
by his pink haired mother.
The lesser banshee giggles
'cause she's not copping it,
then cops it as usual.

Packed off to bed;
threatened with violence and theft
friend dispersed to his own enemy.
Granddad thinks
'Thank fuck for that'.
I love the concept of this, though it took me a couple of reads to grasp it all. Beginning a poem with "he" is risky. I did work out who "he" was, maybe better off starting off with, "the boy", IMHO.

Indie.
"Poets are shameless with their experiences: they exploit them." - Friedrich Nietzsche
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Messages In This Thread
Another Lull in the Storm: - by billy - 01-21-2012, 11:11 PM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by Erthona - 01-25-2012, 01:02 PM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by billy - 02-01-2012, 01:22 AM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by Indie - 05-05-2012, 09:25 AM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by billy - 05-07-2012, 12:00 PM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by Erthona - 05-07-2012, 03:11 PM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by billy - 05-08-2012, 12:13 PM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by Erthona - 05-08-2012, 02:12 PM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by billy - 05-08-2012, 08:19 PM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by Indie - 05-08-2012, 08:39 PM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by billy - 05-09-2012, 11:23 AM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by Indie - 05-09-2012, 11:28 AM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by billy - 05-09-2012, 11:29 AM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by Indie - 05-09-2012, 12:44 PM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by billy - 05-10-2012, 10:38 AM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by Philatone - 05-11-2012, 03:46 AM
RE: Another Lull in the Storm: - by billy - 05-11-2012, 11:20 AM



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