First Last Thoughts

[billy]

i know this may seem sill and i do like it as is, but you did ask for any suggestions

would it make it more comely if you changed fastness to fast or faster? i took a liberty with "the" as well
so from
If all the fastness ended and dropped the piercing tip, is this the spot where I at last would lay?
to
If all the fast ended and dropped its piercing tip, is this the spot where I at last would lay?
or
If all the faster ended and dropped its piercing tip, is this the spot where I at last would lay?

not much of a suggestion i know, but it's all i could come up with.