Dear Satan: A Comedy

[Indie]

Dear Satan, can you send me a legion
It would really help to exact my revenge
And you know I’ve been on your side
For a very long time

It’s not like I’m asking for a pony
Though I did notice that if you
Rearrange the letters in your name
It spells Santa

Though Santa is no good to me now
He won’t make the bad men pay
And I know how much you like
Those wonderfully bad people

I know I was never destined for heaven
Mr Devil, so I figure there is no harm
In asking for a favour before
I get to share your summer holiday house

My skin blisters nicely in the heat
You’ll be happy to know
And I like the blonde highlights in my hair
I hope you’ll let me keep them

Those bad men, Mr Satan sir
I really do have to make them pay
For putting their hands
In places they shouldn’t

I told them not to do it
I told them I’d be mad
And tell Mummy and Daddy
Though they just laughed

It’s my cookie jar, dammit!
Is it okay if I say bad words
In this letter to you? I guess so
Since you’re meant to be bad

Daddy says you’re the baddest
So if you could send me a legion
To make my uncles choke on my cookies
Next time they eat them
It would be much appreciated

Love… Me (Age: 10)