04-30-2012, 12:06 PM
I love the evocative language used in this, and overall, a beautifully nostalgic piece. The first verse is great, but I found the second verse lost the flow, and stumbled on and into the third verse, righting itself in the last line of verse three, and into verse four.
I'm not sure what to offer in ways of righting it, maybe rephrasing, possibly reading it aloud to see how where it flows and stumbles.
I'm not sure what to offer in ways of righting it, maybe rephrasing, possibly reading it aloud to see how where it flows and stumbles.
"Poets are shameless with their experiences: they exploit them." - Friedrich Nietzsche