04-27-2012, 03:38 PM
It was very hard for me to connect with this poem. I couldn't quite grasp the true concept of it.
You started off with with:
"Bound to these feelings
something gave it to me"
-You speak of these "feelings yet don't elaborate much on this. Instead you jump right into the next paragraph. Maybe instead add another section about these feelings so the reader can connect better with what you trying to express.
"It's gettin' dangerous" - next I wanted to point out your use if grammar. Instead gettin' you should use getting. It just feels less childish and flows smoother.
"'cause there is a lack" -Try using because instead of 'cause
You started off with with:
"Bound to these feelings
something gave it to me"
-You speak of these "feelings yet don't elaborate much on this. Instead you jump right into the next paragraph. Maybe instead add another section about these feelings so the reader can connect better with what you trying to express.
"It's gettin' dangerous" - next I wanted to point out your use if grammar. Instead gettin' you should use getting. It just feels less childish and flows smoother.
"'cause there is a lack" -Try using because instead of 'cause