Plastic bricks
#2
I really liked this. However, I found the punctuation jarring in s1 l2 and s2 l2 (thought that's a personal bias).

S4: "Mommy, later on the phone" this might be more clear if the words were switched around? I think it would work to say "later on the phone, mommy"

The last stanza is great.
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Messages In This Thread
Plastic bricks - by Chaotic Body - 04-17-2012, 10:32 PM
RE: Plastic bricks - by jmnical - 04-18-2012, 10:04 AM
RE: Plastic bricks - by Chaotic Body - 04-18-2012, 10:13 AM
RE: Plastic bricks - by billy - 04-18-2012, 10:28 AM
RE: Plastic bricks - by Erthona - 04-19-2012, 12:22 PM



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