04-18-2012, 10:04 AM
I really liked this. However, I found the punctuation jarring in s1 l2 and s2 l2 (thought that's a personal bias).
S4: "Mommy, later on the phone" this might be more clear if the words were switched around? I think it would work to say "later on the phone, mommy"
The last stanza is great.
S4: "Mommy, later on the phone" this might be more clear if the words were switched around? I think it would work to say "later on the phone, mommy"
The last stanza is great.

