The Wild Hunt ..

[Erthona]

Ed,

(I know this is mild critique, but… So feel free to disregard, I just didn’t know how to give a “mild” critique on something of this nature that would be of any value, other than saying, cool story ed, thanks for sharing )

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I think what holds this back the most is primarily a lack of a strong rhythmic quality, cadence, beat, etc. As it currently is, it relies too much on the rhyme to hold it together I’ve taken the first little bit and tried to give it a stronger, but not formulaic rhythm. There also seemed some redundancies which I removed, although some may have had meaning of which I was not aware. Such as in the lines

“Yet fetch down the peat from the hills,
Fetch in some turf from our pile”

At first this just seemed redundant, but then I realized what you were trying to say, but the way you said it made it unclear. For me it was a major stumbling point coming as it did at the start of the poem. I also thought for a long poem, three line stanzas were a bit short. Anyway, I am not suggesting this is how it should be, just a short rewrite of the first little bit which hopefully accentuates the rhythmic possibilities.


‘No-one knows our Northern Isles,
hogboons knowes and howes
we say it’s only fey folklore,
still… fetch the peat brought from the hills,
good turf to burn from that big pile,
and get it now ‘fore true night falls!
Then draw the bolt to bar the door,
and tighten windows shut,
for through the months of Yuletide
we’ll eat our clap-shot from the pot,
hanging blackened on a chain
embedded deep in chimney stone.
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Other things:
“Odin Woden” They are the same name, one, Woden, is West German (Woden, Old English: Wōden, Old High German: Wôdan) the other “Odin” is North Germanic/Old Norse (Óðinn)


I’ll stop there as this is a mild critique

Dale