04-17-2012, 10:32 PM
v.26 (first line edit)
A quiet small girl, she won't tell me
What it is, that's such a worry.
Playing, she unfolds a scene:
Mother and child in their house.
Egg, sausage & chips for dinner.
The father's quite a way from home...
"-Go play with your toys!!"
Mommy, now on the phone: wails, curses.
Little girl, from the doorway, walks to,
Comforts Mommy. Standing on plastic tiles
Daddy's had his face scribbled-on,
Laying with other plastic; rubble.
(end)
v2.5 (wanted to do more with it, but it's difficult,
S5L1 punctuation??)
A quiet small girl, she won't tell me
What it is, that's such a worry.
Playing, she unfolds a scene:
Mother and child in their house.
Egg, sausage & chips for dinner.
The father's quite a way from home...
"-Go play with your toys!!"
Mommy, now on the phone: wails, curses.
Little girl, from the doorway, walks to,
Comforts Mommy. Standing on plastic tiles
Daddy's had his face scribbled-on,
Laying with other plastic; rubble.
(end)
v2.0 (rearranged for more appropriate grouping of stanzas, not much else)
Quiet small girl, she won't tell me
What it is that's such a worry.
Playing, she unfolds a story:
The mother and child in house.
Egg, sausage & chips for dinner.
The father's a few feet away from home...
"-Go play with your toys!!"
Mommy, later on the phone, starts to cry
Little girl, from the doorway, walks to,
Comforts Mommy. Standing on plastic tiles
Daddy's had his face scribbled on,
Laying with other plastic; rubble.
(end)
v1.0 Original
Quiet small girl, she won't tell me
What it is that's such a worry.
Playing, she unfolds a story:
The mommy and child in house.
Daddy is a few feet away from home
Egg, sausage & chips for dinner today.
"-Go play with your toys!!"
Mommy later on the phone, starts to cry
Little girl, from the doorway, walks to,
Comforts Mommy. Standing on plastic tiles
Daddy's had his face scribbled on,
Laying with other plastic; rubble.
(end)
(all comments & criticism welcome)
A quiet small girl, she won't tell me
What it is, that's such a worry.
Playing, she unfolds a scene:
Mother and child in their house.
Egg, sausage & chips for dinner.
The father's quite a way from home...
"-Go play with your toys!!"
Mommy, now on the phone: wails, curses.
Little girl, from the doorway, walks to,
Comforts Mommy. Standing on plastic tiles
Daddy's had his face scribbled-on,
Laying with other plastic; rubble.
(end)
v2.5 (wanted to do more with it, but it's difficult,
S5L1 punctuation??)
A quiet small girl, she won't tell me
What it is, that's such a worry.
Playing, she unfolds a scene:
Mother and child in their house.
Egg, sausage & chips for dinner.
The father's quite a way from home...
"-Go play with your toys!!"
Mommy, now on the phone: wails, curses.
Little girl, from the doorway, walks to,
Comforts Mommy. Standing on plastic tiles
Daddy's had his face scribbled-on,
Laying with other plastic; rubble.
(end)
v2.0 (rearranged for more appropriate grouping of stanzas, not much else)
Quiet small girl, she won't tell me
What it is that's such a worry.
Playing, she unfolds a story:
The mother and child in house.
Egg, sausage & chips for dinner.
The father's a few feet away from home...
"-Go play with your toys!!"
Mommy, later on the phone, starts to cry
Little girl, from the doorway, walks to,
Comforts Mommy. Standing on plastic tiles
Daddy's had his face scribbled on,
Laying with other plastic; rubble.
(end)
v1.0 Original
Quiet small girl, she won't tell me
What it is that's such a worry.
Playing, she unfolds a story:
The mommy and child in house.
Daddy is a few feet away from home
Egg, sausage & chips for dinner today.
"-Go play with your toys!!"
Mommy later on the phone, starts to cry
Little girl, from the doorway, walks to,
Comforts Mommy. Standing on plastic tiles
Daddy's had his face scribbled on,
Laying with other plastic; rubble.
(end)
(all comments & criticism welcome)