Pavement

[billy]

v2.0

White with red line, strip, stumbles
Lipstick, glass, of a face turned away
Gritty, dirty surface of the pavement, gravel, you !
Collapses together, red handbag and shoulders and glasses and pavement

Amber cast,
Many door-slams and stiletto-trots and screams, serve distant ambience
Amber hued door and bonnet, car spotlit on a stage casting Pavement
Inside lies solace, detachment: door a gateway to
Nasal lens-tinting; a new world of actions done here.

White with black line, dress
A pretty face queuing on Pavement
Shoulders brush bony male shoulders, two cast together in a play
Docile, shuffles along, shoved, laughs hurled

this has a flash or two of something but what, i almost made the 1st line of the last stanza work but it was hard, i wanted to change all the grammar and redo all or most of the enjambment. i'll try a bit of arranging just to explain what i mean;

White with a black line dress
A pretty face queuing,
shuffled shoulders touch.

read it out loud, it feels overburdened with grammar. i didn't have time to view the vid (sorry) but the poem should be able to stand alone anyway, i don't think this does, in its present form.