apology

[Todd]

thanks so much for the feedback, everyone. i've changed it a bit and here's the new iteration: not sure how i feel about S4 L1 though


reading a book as I eat breakfast
he walks by and reaches to stroke my hair
and I recoil—
his eyes harden.

mom says ‘you’re too sensitive
and you know he can’t help it
and you should say sorry
because he’s not going to
and really you’re very lucky’

but for years the decibel of his rage
struck like a hand;
the sting of words reverberating longer
than the time he actually spanked me

so I say sorry
because I know how much he loves me
from the sleepless weeks he spent in a lumpy
armchair beside my hospital bed during the summer of 2006,
since he still calls me ‘pumpkin,’ and
chokes up when he tells me how proud he is

Well, think about why you don't like that line...maybe pull up because I know to the end of the line. Look at your line breaks in that strophe. In S4 L2 breaking on lumpy doesn't do much for you. I think either do the line break after spent or pull up armchair. In S4 L3 what does during and everything after it add...keep looking for cuts...just a few more thoughts.

Generally hit the edit button and place rewrites above your original than people will always comment on your latest version.

Best,

Todd