corinth's poems

[Todd]

Hi Corinth,

Welcome! I really enjoyed how you characterized the woman and used the photo. I'll give you some comments below.

Hello Pig Pen People,

I love poetry that rhymes and uses a precisely controlled meter because such poetry reveals a tantalizing combination of reason, emotion, and concentration within the author's mind. I long to meet other writers who enjoy creating rhyming poems that take them hours to complete. I hope I will do so by posting some of my own poetry in this thread.

I'd appreciate any feedback you have to give. Also, if you are reading this and love to rhyme, please direct me to your poems or poetry threads so that I may return the favor by reading your works. - Cor

“Book Store Woman”

The knotted blue veins snaking under her skin--I love your enjambment, the image of the veins and snaking
seem to want to bulge through and break out.
A move of her pale hand, twig-like and thin,
and the tendons–small chicken bones–sprout.--I like the images but the words read a bit awkward
She’s old and she’s frail, yet a smile’s on her face,--the old and frail part is a bit of shorthand and it detracts from the imagery.
which is soft as a white powder puff.
In her cloudy blue eyes there are veins I could trace,
if I didn’t know them well enough.

While she sits in her rocking chair minding her store,
filled with treasures that word-lovers crave,
behind her old bonnets catch dust on the door,
not the glances admirers once gave.--I like how you express these lines
On the desk with the register pinging away
when a customer finds some old books,
from a small gilded picture frame, yellow and gray,
a photo of someone still looks.

Sweetly clothed in a white cotton dress with a plume
on her jaunty hat trimmed with fine lace,
smiles the old woman’s smile (and one wonders at whom)--nice parenthetical touch
from a beautiful, young woman’s face.--beautiful is actually a bit vague something more specific
Just as smooth as my own and with bright eyes intent,--nice
the face laughs, though that moment is gone,
and she’s sitting here still, looking quiet and content,
as if each day she treasures the dawn.

I enjoyed the read. I hope some of these comments will be helpful.

Best,

Todd