04-10-2012, 08:08 AM
tec-
hey, thanks for the time and read. could you point me more specifically to the flaky structure? is it the enjambment that is bothering you?
consider this piece the exercise, and it 'trying' to aim in a verse-form direction, albeit not held by meter or rhyme because I didn't feel it appropriate for the piece.
as of now, I'm biased as the writer; i see all of the information I want there (title included), but if something feels missing, or if perhaps the sequencing seems wack, or the transitions not up to par, telling me those things would be helpful--i can't see everything.
do any of those, or other, areas feel lacking? i never enter a piece with the intention of being unclear; i can only straighten out the parts that people say are crooked
hey, thanks for the time and read. could you point me more specifically to the flaky structure? is it the enjambment that is bothering you?
consider this piece the exercise, and it 'trying' to aim in a verse-form direction, albeit not held by meter or rhyme because I didn't feel it appropriate for the piece.
as of now, I'm biased as the writer; i see all of the information I want there (title included), but if something feels missing, or if perhaps the sequencing seems wack, or the transitions not up to par, telling me those things would be helpful--i can't see everything.
do any of those, or other, areas feel lacking? i never enter a piece with the intention of being unclear; i can only straighten out the parts that people say are crooked
Written only for you to consider.