The Eternal Lie-In

[Philatone]

hey!
some thoughts and a quick line-by

When I realised death is absolute,
like the sky or my untidy hair,...the comparisons felt like too much of a stretch. "the sky" is broad; the speaker's "hair" I don't have much of a connection with; I get the intention, but the impact never really came for me
my body shook with dark wonder,
as the notion of a dreamless sleep,...i like this comparison to death
always unbroken, spread across the wall,
a large rain cloud. I was ten or eleven
and scared, but warm in my bed,
the sheets held close.
...thought the close to this stanza was strong enough

I don't remember if I slept.
Years of sparring with despair,...these next few lines felt a little too broad and abstract for me, both in concept ("despair") and substance ("years of sparring")
based on this reality,
that all which feels must one day not,
has led to musings, after all,
that maybe sleep is wonderful.
We lie in bed for years on years,
not once disturbed by mummy's hand,
bringing with it school and chores,...this half of the stanza feels much tighter
nor the alarm clock's android dirge,
worshipping the square office.
Rather, like a pleasant host,
the universe allows its guests
a very long lie-in.

the middle section lost some of the sparkle that the end of the first stanza created for me. in some ways, I felt the second stanza could be strengthened by starting at the "We line in bed" line, which also transitions nicely with the end of the first half of the piece.

regardless, gave me some things to ponder. thanks for the read