04-06-2012, 09:57 AM
V, I'm pressed for time just at the moment but I really did want to give you a first impression.
The thing that strikes me the most about the composition of the poem is its "folding", achieved by repetition and varied punctuation/ grammar/ line breaks to echo the subject. The effect is marvellous -- it's like origami poetry
I wonder, if you wrote a thousand of these would your wish come true?
In the closing lines, I believe you should have "Blossom" (unless you just like a bosom with a bit extra!)
The thing that strikes me the most about the composition of the poem is its "folding", achieved by repetition and varied punctuation/ grammar/ line breaks to echo the subject. The effect is marvellous -- it's like origami poetry
I wonder, if you wrote a thousand of these would your wish come true?In the closing lines, I believe you should have "Blossom" (unless you just like a bosom with a bit extra!)
It could be worse