New age

[tectak]

I simply refuse to critique this until you correct the technical problems, which I will not mention as that would be a critique!
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Rhyming couplets and two more lines and you would have had a sonnet!
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There seem to be a few tense problems. I have tried to point out and make suggestion on problematic areas, but until you settle on a tense, that is difficult at best and more than not pointless. Probably future perfect tense would be the best choice, which allows you to talk as from the past about things in the future as though thay had already happened. Whichever one that is.
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"Our future, though ahead, no glory holds;
yet happy, carefree, unconcerned (are) we."

or

"Our future, though ahead, no glory (held);
yet happy, carefree, unconcerned were we."

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Lose instead of "loose"?

"we cannot lose the past from which we flee"

Or, "the past, from which we flee cannot be cut loose." A difficult usage regardless. If you are trying to say it like "loose the dogs" I have no idea how to do that, but what you have doesn't do it.
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"we knew it’s (it is) coming, yet we made our stand."

"we knew it was coming..."

or

"we know it is coming, yet we make our stand"
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There are some nice insights and clever phrases here, but they are currently getting buried under the tense problem.

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I think "heavy" or " crippling" but not both. I do like the following line, "that breaks our backs and turns our thin hair grey".

also "For all the stealth with which our time unfolds".

I like this whole phrase but maybe it should be one sentence instead of two.
"We will to angry days come old and sour,
so write a lasting note from you to me,
and let the ink, sure fading, mark this hour,
the date, the second yet, whilst we can see!"
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Thirteen years now gone,
a time then so very long,
do the same thoughts hold sway,
as back then, so too, today?
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32 views, so it would seem,
I guess no one but me,
wanted to be mean.

Regardless, I think with a tad of tightening, and getting your tense ducks in a row, you could have a spiffy little number here.

Dale

Shit...and there am I was thought it were perfect. Wrote this to wife, kind of a love poem mid-life crisis. She said the tenses were all shot to bits. Filed it. Only got it out for a comparison with yours. Thanks for all above. I will put it right and give it to her again in ten years time.......but I'll sign it erthona.
Best,
Tectak