03-05-2012, 10:00 AM
todd-
thanks for giving me your thought process and input. I am addressing the first two stanzas; I like the idea of switching the 5th to become to 1st, but I think it gives more of an impact in the middle of a piece rather than at a beginning. You can make arguments, but I think "grey as 1935" is tough to pull off in a first stanza (and perhaps in general--was having doubts as to how well it functioned, but it really felt perfect); I like it, but I think it needs some background in order for it to work, and pushing it too soon would lessen its depth. Just my thought. Hopefully, what I have in mind will make the intro clearer. A hint for the edit: the bull doesn't make it....
appreciate everything you wrote
thanks for giving me your thought process and input. I am addressing the first two stanzas; I like the idea of switching the 5th to become to 1st, but I think it gives more of an impact in the middle of a piece rather than at a beginning. You can make arguments, but I think "grey as 1935" is tough to pull off in a first stanza (and perhaps in general--was having doubts as to how well it functioned, but it really felt perfect); I like it, but I think it needs some background in order for it to work, and pushing it too soon would lessen its depth. Just my thought. Hopefully, what I have in mind will make the intro clearer. A hint for the edit: the bull doesn't make it....
appreciate everything you wrote
Written only for you to consider.