02-27-2012, 10:52 AM
- The first line I have a hard time understanding what you are trying to get across.
(but i am a noob :/)
- on line 3 I would drop the "so"
- I am not a fan of using words like "us" and "we"
and "god" in this piece would be better implied rather than stated.
Other than that I really like the narrative style, it reads natural for the most part.
nice work
(but i am a noob :/)
- on line 3 I would drop the "so"
- I am not a fan of using words like "us" and "we"
and "god" in this piece would be better implied rather than stated.
Other than that I really like the narrative style, it reads natural for the most part.
nice work