02-27-2012, 03:27 AM
Some of these lines are beautiful. The third stanza's closing couplet is divine; I like how the knife can mean such opposing ideas, which symbolises the narrator's spiritual pain and confusion. The "mine again" refrain was also great; it felt like the chorus of some old love song.
As for suggestions, I think putting "us" or "me" after "drags" in L1 might help, and a dash should go between "wraith" and "like" in L11.
Thanks for the read, tectak.
As for suggestions, I think putting "us" or "me" after "drags" in L1 might help, and a dash should go between "wraith" and "like" in L11.
Thanks for the read, tectak.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe