Our Local Business
#9
(02-25-2012, 01:18 PM)Mark Wrote:  In stanza three, why not repeat 'she went'? Every other part is repeated, but there you go with 'and' . . . I have to think that you did it by design because your wording and punctuation are always very careful . . . was it the 'sh' sounds?

Then another thing I noticed and correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought with 'and' you didn't need a comma:

She went and went and went.
...
And will and will and will.
Leanne already suggested 'She went, she went, she went.' You may well be right. I was trying to keep the same pattern, but vary it a little. If I change it, this 'She went' line will exactly mirror the following 'She strode' line. In itself, it does sound more crisp. I am in mid-mull.

Were I writing prose, you are correct, the comma after 'and' is prolix. But in verse, I use punctuation more or less as breath-marks; I don't want the reader to run on, without the slight pause implied by a comma. In the same way, I regard the end of a line as screaming for a natural nano-mini-break, and therefore use commas there only if I feel that that tiny break is insufficient.


























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Messages In This Thread
Our Local Business - by abu nuwas - 02-24-2012, 07:26 AM
RE: Our Local Business - by Wildcard - 02-25-2012, 12:38 AM
RE: Our Local Business - by abu nuwas - 02-25-2012, 03:26 AM
RE: Our Local Business - by Leanne - 02-25-2012, 08:07 AM
RE: Our Local Business - by abu nuwas - 02-25-2012, 09:48 AM
RE: Our Local Business - by Wildcard - 02-25-2012, 12:32 PM
RE: Our Local Business - by abu nuwas - 02-25-2012, 12:49 PM
RE: Our Local Business - by Wildcard - 02-25-2012, 01:18 PM
RE: Our Local Business - by abu nuwas - 02-25-2012, 10:43 PM
RE: Our Local Business - by Wildcard - 02-26-2012, 05:31 AM
RE: Our Local Business - by Roy Hobbs - 03-22-2012, 01:13 AM
RE: Our Local Business - by abu nuwas - 03-22-2012, 10:18 AM
RE: Our Local Business - by Bronte - 03-22-2012, 06:44 AM
RE: Our Local Business - by Philatone - 03-22-2012, 01:15 PM
RE: Our Local Business - by abu nuwas - 04-01-2012, 09:20 PM
RE: Our Local Business - by billy - 04-02-2012, 05:50 AM
RE: Our Local Business - by abu nuwas - 04-02-2012, 07:39 AM
RE: Our Local Business - by billy - 04-02-2012, 11:07 AM
RE: Our Local Business - by ellajam - 02-19-2014, 12:42 AM
RE: Our Local Business - by Obadiah Grey - 02-25-2014, 02:04 AM



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