02-25-2012, 10:43 PM
(02-25-2012, 01:18 PM)Mark Wrote: In stanza three, why not repeat 'she went'? Every other part is repeated, but there you go with 'and' . . . I have to think that you did it by design because your wording and punctuation are always very careful . . . was it the 'sh' sounds?Leanne already suggested 'She went, she went, she went.' You may well be right. I was trying to keep the same pattern, but vary it a little. If I change it, this 'She went' line will exactly mirror the following 'She strode' line. In itself, it does sound more crisp. I am in mid-mull.
Then another thing I noticed and correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought with 'and' you didn't need a comma:
She went and went and went.
...
And will and will and will.
Were I writing prose, you are correct, the comma after 'and' is prolix. But in verse, I use punctuation more or less as breath-marks; I don't want the reader to run on, without the slight pause implied by a comma. In the same way, I regard the end of a line as screaming for a natural nano-mini-break, and therefore use commas there only if I feel that that tiny break is insufficient.

